Look Mom, I Can Fly: A Grieving Mama's Journey
Look Mom, I Can Fly: A Grieving Mama's Journey
Look Mom, Part 21-- This thing is not going to break you
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Look Mom, Part 21-- This thing is not going to break you

March 23-27, 2021-- The final chapter, but this is certainly not the end of my grief journey. This ends with the anthem to continuing by Christa Wells called "This Thing is Not Going to Break Me."

Noticing Subtle Shifts

March 26, 2021

Dear Hunter,

I struggle to find words as I attempt to integrate my experience in Jamaica. Although I’m healthy, eating is difficult. I don’t want to plan. I don’t want to cook. I have to force myself to move my body. It was so easy in Jamaica—so much swimming and walking—and now the only thing that works is to play music that I can’t resist dancing to and reluctantly move my way out of my stupor.

I have no interest in casual conversation. There are a few people I spend time with, but mostly, I want to be alone. I feel more loving towards myself—grateful for how I’ve supported and nourished myself these past six months. Writing is a wellspring that shows me a great deal about what I’m feeling, what I’m processing, and what matters most right now. I access my emotions through writing, along with a greater awareness of when a word or phrase is hitting the mark because I have a visceral reaction. For example, when editing the poem “The Gift,” I had written, “‘Let it go,’ then I heard Hunter say. ‘Let ME go,’ and I burst into tears. That connection between my emotions and my writing voice felt like a clear and open channel at that moment.

The psilocybin journey opened my intuition. I’m rock solid in my financial coaching and have more access to intuition as I work with clients. I feel clearer about how I want to show up regarding my business, and I’m curious about becoming a psychedelic guide. Where might that take me? I’ve always loved leading groups and have taught process painting, personal growth, ceremonial and financial retreats for over thirty years. How might becoming a guide allow me to utilize my background to serve other grieving parents? My question is about timing. What do I need to do to prepare to be a guide? When will I be ready? How do I continue to honor my healing process and move in this direction?

I feel grounded in my relationship with spirit. Your death has deepened this connection and changed how I pray. I used to pray for outcomes (abundance, resolution to conflicts, health, etc.), and now, I pray to make it through the day. I ask for your guidance and listen more than I petition. At this point, my practice is not connected to a specific community/religion, though I sometimes long for it. I’m devoted to morning meditation and chanting (thirty to forty-five minutes daily) and yoga (thirty minutes). Since returning from Jamaica, I’m aware of greater stillness in my body and spirit, though I haven’t had as many experiences of feeling connected to you. It’s almost like you are part of me rather than out there somewhere.

I love being alone and crave time in nature by myself. With Covid restrictions still limiting us, it’s hard to say how I will be with community gatherings. I have shied away from Zoom calls with family and my women’s circle after the experience over Thanksgiving that left me feeling alone and angry. I’m open to a meeting scheduled next week with a circle of high school friends (we have been meeting annually for over three decades), though I feel anxious about it. They seem to have heard me when I said I couldn’t hang out on the surface with chit-chat, nor can they expect me to plunge into the depths of my feelings without an experience that it’s safe to share with them. My therapist suggested I lead with one of my poems to drop into a deeper conversation, so I will take a deep breath and do that. Scares the shit out of me.

Integration is a journey in and of itself!

Love you,

Mama

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